Me against this Bitch

"I get stoned every day like Jesus did."--Jay-Z

That's my view on life..I mean it's like all I do for you is never enough. Why must I suffer ridicule and the animosity of those who I brought no pain to?..why am I such a believer in Love and peace but yet I'm built for war. I mean I fear no man and I in a sense have no regards for this temporary cocoon called life. Cuz see If I live to be 100 years old what does that matter when I die for eternity. Give me hell...I don't care..what's pain and hate gonna do to me...really..sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out For heaven because I choose my sins and I except them with such competence that it almost seems "worth" it to me. What pain could you cause me when I hurt myself everyday. Trying to alter my image to fit that of those who say it's necessary. Hating myself for missed opportunities and scattered acomplishments. I FAIL!!!...just like every other man walking but I still seem to think I should be excluded from mistakes...I often take the thought of being godly to far and begin to believe I'm god himself...until the reality of not controlling fate or destiny sets in...How Depressing...so I say fuck the very world I roam if she won't do things my way...I'm young in time...but I'm old to the innocent..strong to the weak,weak for the women and nothing to the angels. I mean what have I done but give money to those less fortunate..that's not love..that's not helping..I taught you nothing..I learned that I don't have to give all my money to naked dancers but also to dirty disasters who seek second chances...second chances that I can't give...See there it goes again...who am I to give a person another life...I'm only human...and in that I'm filled with humanity...so I want you to eat meals meant for you...sleep in beds made for you...wear clothes bought by you and receive love sent to you...but this bitch named life plays her games and us who have the most heart and love to give are kept down cuz if we could rise then this world would be better and life would lose control of the ability to fill minds with doubt and hearts with hate...I'm fighting her and I some how will make the world better...cuz I'm more than human...whatever that is.....

Shae Shae Marie~

Ima believer!...finally. Not that I didn't trust this new girl...it's just that she's a new girl..feel me?...so I have the right to be skeptical..right?..see I been thru too much with women..but that's neither here nor there. This girl came from no where and overnight made me wanna commit the rest of my days to seeking out joy and bringin it home to her. How corny is that..lol..but I mean Im heavy...so I fall fast and I'm already in the process. But at what cost tho..cuz see I didn't kno just how serious she was about me and that worried me..because everybody hustles and hers coulda been sellin dreams to hopeful junkies addicted to love and affection. But after this first date tonight I feel like she has more to offer than any woman I've ever dated. Cuz see I'm business minded and she's prime real estate. Meaning she has a future full of potential. She's a college student with a goals. She mentioned she wants to work with children, she's beautiful on a level I can't explain and she's mine. At dinner we both caught me staring. Not so much at her looks but more into what would come about in this future I just spoke of. Cuz see me I want this thing for a long time. With a committed bond unbreakable by the outside world that put us both thru hell. And now we're ready to face it together. Speaking of together,let's break that down..."to-get-her" simple as that...my goal was to get her and now that I got us together my goal everyday is "to-get-her" over and over...I may not be as handsome as her last and I'm not sure if that bothers her. I don't kno if she's attracted to me or if I'm an experiment..and her sharp remarks and responses to cut deep at times that make me wonder how we'll handle the relationship battles but hey...I asked God for a woman..one showed up...who am I to complain...with all of this said...I'm a believer...I believe she cares and she's gonna stick around...there are other worries but time will patch those holes of wonder. So until I don't have her...I do have her...what better way to put it....